I hate hospitals. What I hate even more is seeing my friend in pain in the hospital. But what put the icing on the cake was seeing someone I had once dated in the same room visiting her. He’s a friend of hers and I’m not bothered by that. But what bothers me is that he’s someone I despise. Someone who once called me names and gestured at me in a physical manner. I didn’t feel awkward this time since we were there for a mutual friend, but his presence always brings up old memories I rather forget.
But to put it all in perspective, seeing my friend in the hospital made me feel like shit from the past will just have to stay in the past. Staying in the moment and appreciating those around me is what is more important and where my energy needs to be. It’s crazy this is probably the second time where I’ve seen a good friend experience pain in a way that I don’t wish to ever experience myself or anyone else for that matter. It’s hard to see a friend in pain, emotionally and/or physically. So go give someone you care about a hug. It will be appreciated.
…like to talk or grip about work here, but today I feel compelled. As I sat down with a friend for a drink, I realize just how deeply effected I am with the work I do. Case in point, yesterday, as I left work, all I wanted to do was go home and hit the gym hard (and I did). I felt icky, I felt gross, I just didn’t want to feel whatever was inside me because it was putting me in a bad mood. I didn’t realize it until I sat down today with a friend to process yesterday’s drama at the school that that was what effected me. The stories my kids tell me. My experience of their feelings. In the moment, I don’t realize it, but what comes afterwards lets me know just how deeply traumatized, hurt, and neglected some of my little clients feel. I’m an adult and I find my ways to cope, but the little ones aren’t built to cope with stressors like these…and they shouldn’t. As parents and caregivers, one should protect them from these awful things, but then again, how much of these young parents and caregivers exposed to? This cycle is awful and being in the midst of it takes a toll on my soul.